We know how easy it is to construct an effective apology, and we know how good we feel when we receive an apology, and so why on earth do so many necessary apologies go unsaid?
A big reason why “I’m sorry” is hard to say is that apologizing often means admitting that we’re wrong. Apologies also require us to let go of all the reasons why something isn’t completely our fault, turn the page on an emotional incident, and bury the hatchet with someone who may have contributed to the issue in the first place. That’s why an apology—something that’s so easy to do in theory—is often incredibly difficult in practice.
Three tips make “I’m sorry” a bit easier to say:
1. Think about the context. Remember that the coworker, husband, or child you need to apologize to are among the most important people in your life. This is your life, not a simulation, and a prompt apology can have an immediate and lasting impact.
2. Think about what you can accomplish. Remember how good it felt when you finally buried the hatchet with Jim from accounting? When you told your son that you were sorry for yelling at him in front of his friends? When your boss went out of her way to apologize after blaming you for losing the Gatorville account? Reflecting on actual benefits from past apologies can prod you from just thinking about saying “I’m sorry” to actually doing it.
3. Think about what happens when you don’t apologize. On the other hand, you probably remember all too well what happened when you let a single incident with Jane in marketing evolve into a simmering feud that lasted for years. And you likely recall a relationship that was dismantled over something that, in hindsight, could have disappeared with a quick apology. And how can you forget a heated argument with your wife that turned into days of a chilly standoff. If considering the benefits of apologies doesn’t spur you to action, spend some time thinking about how much trouble not apologizing has caused you in the past.
Sincere apologies are valuable balms for soothing a variety of interpersonal ills. Don’t let rationalizations or excuses stand in the way of delivering a quick, sincere apology when necessary, and “I’m sorry” will become easier for you to say.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.
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